


Lose Control

by joshuaorrizonte



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Light BDSM, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 15:28:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20428205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joshuaorrizonte/pseuds/joshuaorrizonte
Summary: Julian likes pain. Asra has never intentionally hurt a partner before, though, and isn't sure he can. But he can't give Julian what he wants in any other respect of this relationship, so he's going to try.





	Lose Control

When Julian brought the idea to Asra, he was intrigued. “You want me to hurt you. During sex.”

“Well... yes.” He fidgeted uncomfortably. “If... if you’re okay with that. I enjoy a certain amount of pain.”

“Wait, so when I cut you for my ritual, you- you really did want me to hurt you more?”

Julian grinned wolfishly. “I wouldn’t have protested, no.”

Asra was no shrinking violet. He was well aware that some people enjoyed such activities. “You... you do know some people enjoy such things, right?” Julian said, as if reading his mind.

Asra frowned and nodded. “I just never thought I’d be sleeping with someone who did. I’ve- I’ve never hurt a partner before. Intentionally, anyway. I’m not sure I  _ can _ .”

Julian’s disappointment was almost palpable, but he said, “That’s fine. It’s not like I can’t enjoy making love without it.”

Asra chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. “Let me think about it,” he said finally. 

Julian leaned forward and kissed him. “That’s more than I’m expecting, actually. Thank you for even considering it.”

Asra smiled back uncomfortably, as he always did when Julian seemed to think this relationship was more than just physical. He told himself that he needed to end it, but he genuinely didn’t want to. The sex was mind blowing, and it was nice to have a shoulder to cry on when the grief got to be too much. 

He was using Julian terribly, and he selfishly didn’t want to stop. That wasn’t the person he wanted to be, but apparently it was the person he was. The least he could do was to give Julian what he wanted in bed. He couldn’t give Julian what he wanted in any other context. 

As they got ready for bed, Asra cleared his throat. “About what we discussed earlier... I’ll do it. On one condition.”

Julian’s expression went from sleepy contentment to interest and excitement in a second. “Yes? What is that condition?”

Asra didn’t like making eye contact with Julian. It almost hurt to see the earnest look in his eyes, perilously close to love. He looked him in the eyes now. This was too important not to make sure he was absolutely clear, to make sure that Julian was listening. “The condition is that if either of us gets uncomfortable or doesn’t like what’s happening, we can stop it.”

An easy grin came to Julian’s face. “That’s easy. Of course. I like to discuss exactly what we’re going to do to make sure no one’s boundaries are crossed- and we’ll agree on a word that will stop  _ everything  _ if it’s spoken by either of us.”

“That sounds like it would be a good idea. Not now. I’m tired. I want to go to sleep.”

Julian’s wolfish smile was back in a flash. “Sleep? How disappointing. I’m not sleepy. I was hoping you’d be able to wear me out. I guess,” he added with an exaggeratedly wistful sigh, “I’ll have to wear myself out.”

“Hey now. I’m not  _ that  _ tired.” Asra came around the bed and put his arms around Julian’s waist. Julian’s arms went around Asra’s shoulders, and he bent to press his forehead to Asra’s. He knew damn well he was being used, but these soft moments, moments in which they seemed to genuinely enjoy each other, made it worth it- even if Asra was acting. He considered suggesting Asra take up community drama once in the heat of an argument, and it actually made Asra lose his composure for a moment. He never alluded to Asra’s game again. 

And he didn’t want to think about it now, not with Asra tilting his face up to kiss him with such tenderness that it made Julian’s knees weak. When they broke the kiss, Asra was serious. “Nothing like what we just discussed,” he said quietly.

“Of course not. We need to have that conversation before doing anything like that.” He grinned at him. “That doesn’t preclude getting rough with me, does it?”

Asra smiled seductively, reaching up and sliding his fingers into Julian’s thick red hair. Gripping firmly, he guided Julian’s head back down and kissed him, fierce and hard. “I think our boundaries there are well established. Strip and get in the bed, Ilya.”

As Julian rushed to obey him, Asra watched, his gaze smoldering and his mind turning. He  _ hadn’t  _ ever intentionally hurt any of his past lovers- but the thought was strangely enticing. He was certain that was only because Julian was so eager for it. Still, the idea of having another outlet for  _ his  _ emotions was a darkly alluring one. 

But that was for another night. For now, he had a very eager doctor to ravish. 

* * *

They made time the next day to negotiate, as Julian put it. At first, Asra was hesitant. Julian was so blunt, even though his face was lit up like one of the lobsters he so loved to eat. Asra kept his composure, as he usually did, but even he found himself squirming a bit by the end of the conversation. The idea turned Julian on so much, and his eagerness rubbed off embarrassingly easy on Asra. 

That stage of their “negotiations” done, Asra wanted to go their separate ways for the night, to cool off lest one of them overstep lines in their passion. Julian wasn’t having any of it. “Are you kidding me, Asra? You need it as badly as I do right now.”

“I do n-“

“Don’t even lie to me. I’ve never seen you so aroused.” Julian slid to his knees before Asra’s chair, hands going for Asra’s belt. “At least let me... take care of  _ this. _ " Asra didn't protest as Julian freed him from his pants and stroked gently. 

A low noise came from the back of Asra's throat. "Don't tease me," he demanded, his voice harsher than he usually used with Julian. Julian's grip on him tightened and he took him in his mouth, lips sliding down as far as he could take him in. Asra's fingers slid into Julian's hair, groaning lightly as Julian worked him. At first, he just held his hands still, but then he remembered- this was something Julian told him he wanted him to be rougher with. Asra's fingers curled around Julian's locks and he began guiding him, not too forcefully, unsure of himself. But when Julian made a keening whine around him, Asra said, "You like that, don't you?" At the affirmative noise, Asra took a deep, shuddering breath, and tentatively thrusted into Julian's mouth. Julian adjusted his position to better take such treatment, and Asra did it again.

It took only a few thrusts for Asra to need to pull Julian away from him. "Keep that up and you'll make me come before we've even gotten started." Julian looked pleased with himself as he backed off, keeping on his knees. As Asra pulled his shirt off and began divesting himself of his pants, he ordered, "Strip, and get on the bed." Julian obeyed eagerly, and soon they were both naked, and Asra moved to embrace him, tenderly at first. Julian made a contented noise, and Asra's fingers found Julian's hair again, and yanked. Julian gasped as Asra kissed his exposed neck, and then, after a moment's hesitation, bit him. 

Julian groaned and ground against Asra's body. Asra smiled at the reaction; maybe Julian actually knew what he was talking about when he said he liked this kind of thing. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but for some reason, for Julian to actually enjoy it wasn't it. Asra kissed where he had bitten and then trailed kisses down his neck to his shoulder, where he sank his teeth in again. Julian cried out this time, starting to babble pleas for Asra to be rougher with him. 

As Julian encouraged him, Asra got bolder. He scratched his nails down Julian's back, and Julian arched it towards him, panting and whimpering against him. Asra reached down between them and wrapped his fingers around Julian's length, giving it a few strokes before pulling away. Julian reacted immediately, pleading and begging for more, and Asra moved away from him, sitting up. "Be good, or I'll stop," he said in a warning tone. Julian was on his knees as well in a second, reaching for him, kissing him, hard and needy, as his hand wandered down past Asra's waist to take him in his hands again. Asra let him stroke him for a few moments, relishing the feel of Julian's fingers on him, before thrusting him away. "I  _ said _ be good," he growled, shocked at his own tone. He was enjoying this far more than he expected to. 

But he was still unsure of exactly how far to go- the instant Julian stopped enjoying this was the instant Asra would stop doing it, but even though Julian had told him exactly how far he could be pushed- for now- Asra was still unsure of everything about this. He wasn't sure he liked that he was enjoying this. So far he hadn't actually done any damage, other than a few scratches and a bite mark below Julian's collar, but Julian had told him he wanted to  _ hurt _ . Asra didn't want to be the kind of person who enjoyed hurting others.

And Julian seemed to sense his hesitancy. "You're doing so good," Julian whispered in his ear. "I'm in  _ heaven _ right now- keep going. Gods, please keep going."

Asra smiled at the reassurance. "I  _ told you _ to be good," he said roughly, and Julian shivered in his arms. Asra pulled away, reaching for his belt. "I'm going to have to punish you for being so needy now. Lie down on your stomach."

Julian practically fell over in his eagerness to obey, looking absolutely blissful in anticipation. Asra did his best to force the uneasiness and insecurity from his mind as he folded the belt over to grip it better, then gently trailed it down Julian's back. Julian shuddered beneath the touch, and then started begging again. Asra considered withholding for that- but he also knew Julian knew him well enough to know that he was still unsure about this, and actually saying what he wanted would be the easiest way to tell Asra that his actions were welcome. With that, Asra struck Julian across the back with the belt. Julian jolted, back arching as he cried out. Asra, fascinated by the reaction, did it again. And then again.

Julian was a writhing, pleading mess in only a few strikes, and Asra struck him with increasing force, until one of the lashes of the belt illicited a pained yelp from Julian, rather than the sultry moans he had been giving. The sound snapped Asra out of the headspace he had been in, startled and horrified. He'd  _ hurt _ him. Asra dropped the belt and immediately said, "Leech!" 

Asra barely had time to register that he'd practically sobbed the word before Julian was on his knees beside him, arms around him. "It's alright, darling," Julian said soothingly, pulling Asra to him and stroking his hair. "I'm alright. You're alright. Everything's alright." Asra didn't even have the willpower to protest the pet name as he would have in ordinary circumstances. Julian held him until he stopped trembling, then asked, "What happened? You were doing so good- I was enjoying it so much-"

"I  _ hurt  _ you!"

"You didn't  _ hurt _ me, darling. I mean, yes, it was painful, but that was the point, wasn't it? You weren't doing anything wrong-"

"I heard your tone," Asra cut him off, covering his face with his hands. "That wasn't a pleasured noise, it was a  _ pained _ one-"

Julian pulled Asra's hands away from his face and looked into his eyes. "If I wasn't enjoying it I would have used the safe word," he said evenly. "Everything was fine, Asra. You didn't hurt me. You  _ didn't _ ."

Asra shook his head, letting out a little puff of a laugh. "I don't think this kind of thing is going to work out," he said, looking away again. "I'm sorry."

"That's- that's fine. I can live without it. Are you okay?"

Asra managed a nod. "I'm sorry- I spoiled our night."

"That's why we establish safewords." Julian put two fingers under Asra's chin and tilted his face up to kiss him, gently, chastely. "You didn't spoil anything. We will have other nights."

"I better heal over the welts-"

"Leave them," Julian cut him off. "I just want to hold you now."

Asra considered protesting. Julian was being so loving right now, it made Asra uncomfortable. He needed to make sure that Julian knew that the situation hadn't changed. That he still couldn't give Julian the love he wanted. "Asra?" Julian prompted, concerned.

After a moment, Asra shook his head. He'd let Julian love him for tonight. He desperately needed the comfort. "It's nothing. Are you spending the night?"

"I was planning on it, unless you want me to go."

"No, stay." 

The words came out far too fast and eagerly, and a mess of emotions crossed Julian's face, settling on soft compassion. "I will," he murmured, reaching for him. Asra let him envelop him in his arms as they laid down, side by side, whispering reassurances as Asra tried to relax and sleep.


End file.
